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The Arts
09.23.09

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Phaedra
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Moths and Malaria

Or, SWF seeks SM with clean background check and sense of humor

By Dani Burlison


It was the moth floating in my toilet that finally did it. Had my sex life become so arid that all I could attract were bugs that favor ill-kempt closets? After seeing me through yet another winter of sexual discontent, a trusted married friend suggested that I take charge of my love life, that I go where there were guaranteed to be men in search of a date and maybe a mate. She told me to go to a singles party.

I arrived at the event, held at a local winery, with a fellow single thirty-something woman, and immediately felt anxious and out of place. The event was flooded with over 60 gorgeous, sharp, middle-aged women and about six or seven men grinning at the flock of ladies around them. After considering our chances of success, we found ourselves firmly planted in the tasting room for the next several hours wondering, yet again, how we would find available, compatible men our age in the small, often murky, malaria-breeding puddle that is the North Bay's singles scene.

In my many moons of solo life, I have kept my eyes inconspicuously peeled at book fairs, cafes, bars, art galleries, music festivals, social justice rallies, weddings, personal ads and even, I'll admit it, funerals in hopes of meeting a half-way stable man. I have certainly had some luck, but more often than not, the encounters either crash and burn in a not-so-glorious blaze or blossom into great friendships instead of the passionate romances and dedicated partnerships that I would honestly prefer.

Contrary to some of the media reports during National Singles Week, Sept. 20–26, the unattached women I know are not desperate, lonely or bitter about being single. Most of us are whip-smart, witty, attractive, independent and completely amazing catches who are simply hoping that at some point we'll cross paths with funny, smart and emotionally available men with relatively clean background checks. In addition to the high cost of living, this is one of the challenges of living in the North Bay.

National Singles Week provides us with opportunities to get out there and meet the few great men who aren't already married to our friends. The variety of events include a Single Sangha on Friday, Sept. 25, at Spirit Rock (5000 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., Woodacre; 7:30–10pm; $15; 415.488.0164) and a wine and chocolate tasting along with cave tours sponsored by the Sonoma County Singles Wine Society on Saturday, Sept. 26, at the Kunde Family Estate (9825 Sonoma Hwy., Kenwood; noon; $25; 707.833.5501). See you there? I'll be the one wearing mothballs.


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